ANNOUNCING THE RAMEUMPTOM 2000 XL
Only 799 Ontis
(Please add 49 Limnahs for delivery and setup)

(Rameumptom shown may differ slightly from Rameumptom as constructed)

Designed by the professional Nephite Engineer Society (NES), the Rameumptom 2000 excels like no other worship platform. It thrashes other cheap imitations with its authentic gold plated kneeling cushion and built-in vocal magnifier to ensure your prayers are heard loud and clear to a distance of 150 rods (personal results may vary). It really lets you lend your voice of authority to Nephites that just don’t measure up. You know the ones we’re talking about. Those errant “Nephites” that read the little known tin plates smuggled out of Jerusalem by Laman and Lemuel about the wicked adventures of “Ezekiel Ben Potter and the Valley of Secrets.” Or others that went to the evil Zarahemla musical, “The Lamanites Strike Back,” and its sequel, “Return of the Anti-Nephi-Lehi’s.”

“ There’s too many liberal Nephites that are poisoning the minds of citizens in my community. The Rameumptom 2000 really gives me an opportunity to help them out,” said one recent customer.

Another noted, “I really love the ornate decor used in construction of the stand, and with the open-air magnification design, everyone nearby gets the benefit of my wisdom and intellect.”

Don’t delay. Order yours now. Scribes are standing by. The Rameumptom 2000 is also available at Wayward-Marcus, Gaddianton-R-Us, and if you’d like to add 3-4,000 Seum’s to your monthly income, please contact us about our multi-level networking opportunities. If you sign up this month, we’ll throw in a special bonus book to guide you in your quest, “Living the Dream in Your Own Personal Zion.”